The Tourist

GREETINGS everyone... It's almost 2011. SO! HAPPY NEW YEAR! Remember to have fun, BUT also to not procrastinate. Anyways, I spent 103 min of my NYE watching the much HYPED-ABOUT on-screen-union of JOLIE and DEPP. I'm sure you remember that I am an ALMOST-CRAZY Jolie fan. Depp... well, what human could possibly be oblivious to his quirks and charms. So naturally, I was ultra excited about seeing this film... even though, it has been unanimously slammed by critics.

[Credit]

The first few scenes of the film are ELECTRIFYING-filled with glamorous style and entertaining wit. Jolie is RAVISHINGLY BEAUTIFUL in every scene, and Depp is quite charming. However, after the train scenes, everything becomes extremely slow paced and dull. NO ONE cares about what the police are doing... how about add ROMANCE!? In the early scenes, Jolie and Depp seem to have a natural chemistry, but as the film rolls on they lose that 'click'. This film relies almost-solely on its' two MEGAstars; each star shines by brightly by themself but fail to dazzle as a couple. DAMN!

[Credit]

I have no choice but to TRASH the script. The script is confused. It wants to do TOO MANY THINGS and fails to deliver on, perhaps, every aspect. I can't judge how surprising the twists are because I have seen 'ANTHONY ZIMMER' (the French film that 'The Tourist' is adapted from) prior to viewing this film. 'Anthony Zimmer', though extremely slow paced, has a clear idea of what it wants to do. It pains me to say that the few action sequences in 'Anthony Zimmer' are far more exciting and stylish compared to the few present in 'The Tourist'. The only aspect in which the Tourist succeeds in is THE VISUAL. Venice is spectacular and JOLIE is an absolute SEX BOMB in every dress (including her revealing night gown and mysterious cloak).

[Credit]

Now, back to trashing the script. Apart from being muddled up, the script DOES NOT build up the two lead characters. REALLY!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!? YES! Instead, it develops Paul Bettany's SUPPORTING character rather well (spiteful and bitter like ME AT THIS MOMENT). It's not a comedy, but I can see why they submitted it as a comedy film for the GOLDEN GLOBES. It's hardly a romance, the two leads have inefficient screen time to bond-there are hardly any 'moments' (though the originally intended SHOWER SEX SCENE may have helped satisfy our thirst)... Anyways, yes, hardly a drama... you need proper characters for that. It's no action blockbuster BECAUSE YOU NEED ACTION SCENES TO CALL IT THAT.

[Credit]

In summary, it is a film where characters (especially Johnny Depp) say funny lines; Angelina Jolie struts and looks BREATH TAKINGLY PERFECT 100% of the time; FANTABULOUS beginning and ENTERTAINING ending with a ... core. THOUGH, it would have been better if they left the ending AMBIGUOUS. I don't regret watching this film because of its stars, BUT I RESENT them agreeing to commit themselves to this 'script'. I LOVE JOLIE!!! It's been an action year for her (well sort of), hopefully she does a thrilling drama in the next year. ALSO, I hope she will win another oscar for playing CLEOPATRA. For Johnny, I hope the next 'Pirates' film lives up to the first two!

[Credit]

P.S. WHY IS THIS MOVIE NOMINATED FOR A BEST PICTURE-COMEDY GOLDEN GLOBES? HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT MEDIOCRE A YEAR FOR COMEDIES!? Oh yeah, the couples and women who walked out of this movie (from my theatre)... said it was good....

My final verdict! It was OK. If I was fair I would give it 6/10, but I love ANGELINA so 7!

Despicable ME!

Comical, but is it too funny?

Now, you're probably sitting there with a WTF expression-let me explain. There are films that are 'naturally' funny-the humour in these films are delivered naturally. Meaning, they're not in your face EVERY SECOND SECOND DOING SOMETHING STUPID TO MAKE YOU LOL! Even when that thing they're doing basically adds nothing more to the character or plot because these 'moments' have been used so many times. It's as though the director of the film just sat down and said 'uhmmm, how do I make them constantly LOL!'

Despicable Me wasn't in anyway a bad film, it just feels like a generic animated film for kids. A little more focus on the plot and it could have easily escaped this. It, of course, uses the idea of villains vs. villains and 'good at heart'. The 'good at heart' theme never gets old and there are little awwww moments in the film that really wrenches your heart. The villains' idea... old news, and THE INCREDIBLES did a much a more 'exciting' job.

The cast is wonderful. Steve Carell and Julie Andrews as the Russian villain and his mother, the three loveliest orphans and Russel Brand as Steve Carell's sidekick (I think...'cause he has a British accent). What the film does do right is creating connections. It neatly explains why Carell's character is evil-his mother is worst (in a different way). Even though Andrews is this horrible character, you can't help but like her and that's good casting.

The relationships are the best part of this film, and I truly wish that it'd focus less on humour and more on these profound relationship. However, the little orphans are probably three of the most adorable characters of this year. The way the evil protagonist bonds with these children is the sweetest thing. The humour that comes from these orphans and the antagonist (one of the funniest villain ever) actually genuinely entertained me. The little yellow minions-cute and funny... OR DISTRACTING and not that special!

I am VERY HARSH on this film because I expected so much more with it garnering both critical and commerical SUCCESS. I am sure I've made it sound like a bad film, it isn't. It is good not great, but good nevertheless. Well, great for kids or people with brains like my cousin... not judging! What I mean is, if you just want a good laugh GO ahead!

Easy A!

Most comedies these days (especially teen-com) are funny, but STUPID. The only reason they're funny is because they're so ridiculously brainless. EASY A, of course, is an exception.

Now, it isn't a film where you will LOL constantly, but you will CHUCKLE constantly. The humour is very smart, with plenty of sharp dialogue. There are scenes that will evoke loud laughter from you; the fake-sex scene is just... TOO FUNNY. There are also heart-wrenching moments where we can't help but vocally utter AWWWW.

I love Emma STONE. She plays this awkward teen role very well, it's almost like she's being herself. She's funny, but it's the supporting cast that is hilarious. Stanley TUCCI and Patricia CLARKSON are unbelievably charming and perfect as Emma's parents. Everyone gasped when Lisa KUDROW appeared, and she does not dissappoint!

The young supporting cast is also strong. Penn BADGLEY looks much hotter in the film than he does in GOSSIP GIRL. Amanda BYNES has her moments. The great thing is that the supporting cast complements Emma quite well, and she basically has chemistry with everyone on set.

The plot is actually filled with substance, and I have to say I didn't completely predict the outcomes. There are twists that will leave your jaws hanging on the ground... trust me. The only problem is that at times I'm confused at what the film is trying to do. It stands on the edge of 'cute AND meaningful' and 'trying TOO hard', but it's only a slight problem. The director does a wonderful job at bringing the story and characters together.

Easy A is a rare treat. It's almost impossible to find a contemporary teen-com that uses intelligent humour and substance, and still manages TO entertain us all. BRAVO!

SALTY and DELICIOUS!

A 'DIFFERENT' action-flick that is MYSTERIOUSLY SEXY and STRANGELY ENTERTAINING!

I'm sure, by now, you are all aware of my undying love for ANGELINA JOLIE. She is the spine of SALT, and without her it would simply burn and perish. Ange injects POWER and CONVICTION into otherwise-dull lines, and her infamous SMOKY expressions are perfect for this character. She is absolutely BELIEVABLE, which is of course essential to her ... character. (I'M NOT SPOILING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE!)

Anyway, that's not to say that there were no other STAND-OUTS! LIEV S. (Naomi Watt's man) is good enough to actually share SOME stage-presence with Jolie, i.e. unlike most, he was more than a backdrop. Salt's 12-year-old neighbour is a SUPERSTAR, although the little girl only has one scene-she is the ONLY ONE that has as much stage-presence as Jolie does. She will grow up to be EXPLOSIVE! I hope...

The script... is complicated. It SURPRISES us, but to be honest it hurts my head a little. It explains just enough and leaves huge perimeters for a sequel. YAY! It also manages to keep up the MYSTERIOUS NATURE of Salt and ends the film wonderfully. At first, the ending will leave you with a WTF! expression, but once you have time to think it over (like I have)... it's the PERFECT ending for this film.

To wrap it up, the captivating action sequences HEIGHTENS the entertainment values, but it's the little TWISTS that makes SALT different. SALT with anyone else would be mediocre, but with ANGELINA JOLIE-it's very good!

P.S. TO REALLY ENJOY IT, YOU HAVE TO EMPTY YOUR MIND (Don't bring NEWTON'S LAWS with you!)

OUTRAGEOUSLY MIND-BLOWING!

INCEPTIONALLY EXCITING AND EXTRAVAGANTLY SURREAL!

GREAT directing, MAGNIFICENT art directions, MARVELLOUS visual effects, WELL-BALANCED script and a NEAR-PERFECT CAST. INCEPTION has it all. Everything that we ask of a film!

Christopher Nolan's works speaks for itself. He's a master of his arts and knows exactly how to conduct his audience. If he wants us to gasp, we will damn well gasp! But of course, where would he be without his talented editing team and HANS ZIMMER'S epic score. The film's cinematography is TO DIE FOR, but it would be nowhere without this astronomically explosive score.


The script is well-paced and action-packed. It's not just a series of shooting scenes, but rather a sweet blend of humour, 4-D events and unbelievably like-able characters. What makes it slightly scary is the credibility of this outrageous idea, though difficult to grasp the concept seems so unnaturally plausible. A script that pushes all the boundaries without pushing us over the INSANITY line.


And the cast...

Let' start with Leo: simply convincing, so convincing that I have not even pictured another actor in the role. He once again proves that he is a mega-star in the thriller genre. He drives the plot with ease, and blurs the fine line [between dreams and reality] so effortlessly. That's right Jack, you will never sink!


Ellen Page: It seems like the role is written for her. She is exquisitely fantastic and naturally perfect. She's WOW on every level, may it be a dream or reality.

Marion Cotillard: One of the most (if not the most) difficult role in the film and she does it so elegantly-it's creepy, but that's also because her character is slightly creepy. And my god do I love her FRENCH accent and no one has eyes as dazzling as this woman does! No wonder Leo's head over heels for her (in the film).

Supporting Male Cast: Charming, cute, believable and smart. The supporting male cast is extraordinary, they make even the seemingly not like-able characters likeable. A series of down-to-Earth performances that brings essential comic relief and conviction to the film. And some of them... delicious eye candies ( JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITTTTT!)

It is a must watch film that really does put the T in THRILLER. Once again Nolan fails to NOT deliver. A dreamy PHENOMENA in its' own right!

P.S. there was NO sex in it... so you see IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE A FILM WITHOUT ADDING SEX SCENE(S).

KILLERS!

I'd like to officially announce that I will be cutting down on the CAPS by 50%... it seems they're freaking everyone out! This may not seem like a lot, but ANGE JOLIE'S SALT IS COMING OUT SOON and...

Anyway, today's all about KATHERINE HEIGL and ASHTON KUTCHER's KILLERS.

KILLERS is not good, but what it does have are moments and decent one-liners.

I say this with most of the passion of my humanity... the script SUCKS! It tries so hard to be witty, and naturally... it fails. It hardly builds ANY characters and well, I don't know what to call it. It doesn't exactly feel like a film script, which MAY BE its' saving grace. Clearly, the film makers understand that if you can't make it SWEET let's just make it SHORT anyway.

It STRUGGLES, but it manages to be entertaining. There are little 'moments' everywhere and there is a handful of decent one-liners... little fragments of decency in a piece of ... The action sequences are OK, but they don't look very pro or expensive. Ashton Kutcher, I believe is a wrong choice. He's not an action pro and has no potential to be one... and his 'GORGEOUS' physiques are not exploited enough.

KATHERINE HEIGL'S CHARMS AND CHARISMA are also left unexploited leaving her awkward and not-that-relatable. Luckily for both of them... this film is in NO WAY a serious action film or a serious anything. And there are hardly any sparks between the leads.

I'm going to take my own advice now and finish this. NOT a movie to watch at the cinemas, but may be fun if u switch off your 'LIGHT BULB', dive into some popcorns and watch it mindlessly with your buddies. If not anything you can always laugh at the awkwardness.

P.S. CAN'T BELIEVE KATHERINE HEIGL LEFT GREY'S ANATOMY AND MAKES A FILM LIKE THIS!

A Frozen Flower

A daring KOREAN film that is extraordinarily and unconventionally elegant.

The story is set in the GORYEO dynasty of KOREA, and is centred around the king, his queen and his chief guard.

The setting used is simply PERFECT. The fields, the forests, the palace... and even the beds used are DIVINE-everything is decorated with INTRICATE DETAILS. GOD, I want those CERAMICS! The COSTUMES used are just as BEAUTIFUL. Gold, red, purple, black... whatever COLOUR, whatever PATTERN, whatever ACCESSORY... they all seduce the viewers' VICTIMISED eyes.

LOVELY cinematography and boy does THAT DIRECTOR know how to MOVE his camera. And to deliver his GLORIOUS vision is the CAST. I'm running out of adjectives... so let's say WONDERFUL. The 3 leads deliver with PASSION and the right dose of CONVICTION. They never fail to show us their UNIQUE characters and every MOVEMENT they make ADDS to the characters. But of course, they are BACKED UP by a SPINE of powerful supporting performances.

The only real FLAW... the script. First of all, I love most of it. My PROBLEMS with it are the last FORTY minutes and the INTIMATE scenes. It's not that the scenes are too EXPLICIT, they are neccessary for DRAMATIC EFFECT, but is there REALLY a need for them ALL to be quite LONG. OK, they're MADLY in love and their HORMONES are raging... WE GET IT!

The last forty minutes MOVES the film AWAY from NEAR-perfect for me. It is too BUSY and slightly too MELOdramatic for my liking. Most of the film is a CONVINCING drama... so really, the film COULD go without the last forty minutes and seek for a NEAT ending. But... perhaps the director WANTS a change of PACE and the MELODRAMA. Nevertheless, the ending is ADEQUATE and if not anything else-the ending really shows the WILD and UNEXPLAINABLE POWER of love.

The quality of the SPOT-ON dialogue fades a little, but is OVERALLY FANTASTIC. Not CORNIE and very powerful.

It is an ALMOST-GREAT film and is very worth-while. Once again, the KOREAN FILM INDUSTRY proves that they CAN make films! And they definitely have BRILLIANT ACTORS.

KATY IN CANDYLAND!

FORGET WONDERLAND, CANDYLAND IS ANIMATED... AND SEXY!

I'm one of those rare creatures that 'got over' THE PERRY, but my god WAS I WRONGGGG! Her CALIFORNIA GURLS MV is simply and blissfully WONDERFUL.

VIIIII-BBRRRRRRRR-ANTTTTTTTTTT is all I really need to say. KATY blends SNOOP DOGG, EXOTIC GURLS and a GAZILLION COLOURS... the result... PURE FUN! And where would an MV be with no SEXUAL undertone. The MEGASTAR is, let's say, SLIGHTLY naked for some time; at one point, she even squirts white CREAM out of cans-thingy (WHILST they're attached to the chest area of her 'DRESS') ...

Well... if you HAVE it FLAUNT it!

The vid gets more NODS for the little touch of HUMOUR... KATY is great as a SEXIFIED ALICE and THE DOGG is just as charming in his role as the PLAYAAA...

Bottomline... the vid is CHEERRRRYYY AND BRILLIANTLY CANDILICIOUSSSSSSSSS! Quite classy toooo... nothing like an ad. for candiessss.

FLESHY! A little TOO MUCH?

It has been agesssssssss since the GAGA released her RAUNCHY FLESHY new mv, ALEJANDRO. But of course, it's still MASSIVELY CONTROVERSIAL. It is without doubt the most NAKED mv to date. I'm sure quite a few jaws dropped watching it, but really, it's expected. It's THE GAGA we're talking 'bout. HOW ELSE would she TOPPPPP the TELEPHONE MV!? Seriously, she's got a SUPER-ULTRA-AHHHHHH REP to keep up here. It's hard being A FREAK, soooo imagine how hard it would to be AN EXTRAVAGANTLY POPULAR FREAK!!!

Well personally, I really did feel the HEAT watching it... but whether or not it was TOO HOT... I DON'T KNOW! It was DEFINITELY ARTSY... she had a FUNERAL FOR HER HEART and there were Russian looking dudes in SKANKY UNIFORM... and I MEAN SKANKY! It took me a few views BEFORE I got the scope of it. The cinematography looked GREAT and all, but in the end I don't know if I LIKE IT... but I do love THE CHOREOGRAPHY!

Her LATEX PRIEST ROBE AND GUN BRAS-LOL! And the woman KNOWS how to choose HER MEN... HEHE.

SO... It was definitely WOW and GAGA has once again DRAGGED THE BOUNDARY into ... TERRITORIES. Truly GAGALICIOUS!

P.S. I'm actually using paragraphs now because ONE OF MY AWESOME NERD FRIENDS advised me TOOOOOOOOO... WOOOOOOOOOH

Not enough sex?

SEX AND THE CITY 2 is just a cash-driven sequel, it has neither sex nor the city!

I'm not a fan of the tv show, but I loveeee the first film. It's charming, sweet and hilarious.

The sequel, however, is lost in the mist of glitz and glamour, and it's stuck in a plot that is over-stretched over two hours or so. It doesn't have that charm and charisma that made the first film so deriliously sexy. It resorts to frivolous humour that is simply... not that funny. Regardless, it does manage to somehow make me laugh out loud (towards the end).

The acting is just not genuine enough. Even Cynthia NIXON (Miranda), who is a brilliant actress, is absolutely 1-D. I blame the script. Sarah Jessica PARKER (Carrie) is the only one that actually has a character to work with, and her storyline is the only one that is even remotely stimulating.

The SCRIPT ABSOLUTELY SUCKS! I love these four women, but what the film shows is the superficial covers of these lovable characters. No empathy here! It lacks substance, but my god, it also lacks SEX! For heaven's sake, the damn word is in the title! The action it does have is HOT!

The actors that appear are definite crowd-pleaser.

Liza MINELLI's rendition of SINGLE LADIES is simply diva-listic, even though her face doesn't even look like it's really attached to her. Plastic surgeries aside... it's a good popcorn flick (HUUHHHHUUHU) that's not to be taken seriously. Try to have as much fun with it as you could, plus Carrie's 'marriage problems' are quite interesting.

P.S. Carrie doesn't have one proper sex scene in the film... no wonder she's having 'marriage problems'! And yeah, the fashion is still great!!!

Cruise and Diaz.

Since we're already 'discussing' ME... wouldn't hurt to know another thing... would it? (your cue for 'of course not') Anyway, I LOVE FILMSSSS. Well... decent ones. AND I ADORE CAMERON DIAZ! She is STUNNINGLY SEXY... even if she is being plagued by deep DARK wrinkles. I was never into Cruise, but he is exaggeratedly charming in this film. And yes he has a pimple near his nose and he looks OLD, but my god his body is TO-DIE-FOR! THEY BLAST the screen with their EXPLOSIVE CHEMISTRY and is HILARIOUSLY SASSY as a couple. Being plagued by FILM STUDIES, I tried to analyse it. STUPID! It is pure SUMMER fun, so if you want to actually ENJOY-just ENJOY! So, now I wanna watch it again... so that i can actually FULLY ENJOY!

P.S. Those critics who keeps blabbing about the DEGRADATION OF QUALITY in summer entertainment... GET A LIFE! OR MAYBE A STRESS BALL!

LOST IN WONDERLAND

WELL HELLO! I'm feeling kinda drunk right now, which is why I decided to make a blog! I used to hate blogs, well I still kinda do. I know this dude that makes his blog like a funeral-home thingy, which is kinda stupid right! I know blogs are for venting and what not, but c'mon we don't want to read post after post of depression and stress. Which is why I only read one of his post and left him a comment, learn how to write buddy! Which is really kinda hypocriticalistic, cause here i am-almost 2 in the morning, writing like a druken idiot. JUST TO CLARIFY, I DON'T DRINK! I just feel drugged, like seriously, I feel like i'm drugged with happy gas or something. Let's pick one topic and stay on that... ME. Okay, I'm pretty up myself and I'm totally self-centred... like I almost love myself. AHAHAHHA, horrible thing to say! But I am. I just get this weird feeling when I'm not in charge and I am addicted to attention. I'm all about fun and games... so if people actually bother to read this... IT WILL BE FUN! SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A PAGE OF TRAUMA AND MORE TRAUMA... NOT HERE! Hehe... did I run everyone off yet... well GOOD MORNING!